The Real Reason You Hate Every Photo of Yourself
The Real Reason You Hate Every Photo of Yourself (and How I Change That)
Confidence & Empowerment • St. Louis
I already know what you’re thinking before you book a photoshoot. I know what that little voice in your head is saying long before I even pick up my camera.
You’re worried about having a double-chin. You’re thinking about how your arms or thighs will look and wondering if your smile is going to look as fake as it felt in every posed photo someone has taken of you before. You’re sucking your stomach in without even realizing that you’re doing it. You’ve already decided which parts of your body you want to try to hide and cover with clothing.
You’re not alone.
I know this because I’ve had all those same thoughts when I’m photographed, as has every single other woman who has walked into my studio before you. These thoughts have been ingrained in each of us since the first time we opened a single fashion magazine (or stepped into a certain pink lingerie store in the mall).
You didn’t make this script up, you inherited it; and I’m here to let you know that you can rewrite it and rebuild your camera confidence.
Where that nasty voice really comes from
Let’s be real, impossible beauty standards existed long before Photoshop was invented. You’ve spent your whole life seeing retouched photos of celebrities as the norm and thinking that’s how the “ideal body” should look. So did your mom. And her mom. And her…you get the picture. And now more then ever, with Photoshopped magazine covers and Facetuned selfies and Instagram filters, you’re comparing your unedited, real life, actual human body to images that have been edited to oblivion and wondering why your body doesn’t measure up.
So now that you have those images in your brain, you just can’t relax the second a camera is pointed at you. Your mind kicks into overdrive and tries to pose in a way that makes sure every part of you looks perfect and thin and poised. And damn, that’s exhausting. It’s not even about vanity, it’s just the response that’s been pounded into your brain after years of being shown an impossible beauty standard and expecting to live up to every single day.
“Just relax…now smile.” Oh, okay. Sure.
Yes, women love being told to smile. Hearing the words “just relax” is all we needed, problem solved.
Most photographers (and pretty much all men) act like telling you to relax just flips a switch, and suddenly you’re no longer feeling self-conscious! Being commanded to act natural or not be nervous certainly fixes everything and doesn’t make you feel even more anxious and worried and you totally know what to do with your hands now. (*Sarcasm*)
Hearing these words usually has the opposite effect because we’ve all had years of bad photo experiences, awkward family photos, the world’s most unflattering candids, and countless deleted selfies. And when was the last time you actually felt relaxed? Certainly not in front of a camera.
So yeah, you tense up, and it’s going to take more than a pep talk and a few encouraging words to change that.
What actually happens in my sessions
Like I said, everyone who books a session with me has had these thoughts before their shoot, and I see this shift happen with every single one of them. There is always a nervous energy when we start: shoulders tensed up, brow furrowed, jaw clenched. The changes usually start before we even finish our first set, though.
Once you see a few shots on the back of my camera, the shoulders drop. You stop holding your stomach. You laugh and move more instead of worrying if you’re perfectly posed. This is the moment everything changes and you realize you don’t have to perform, you can just be yourself.
Being in front of a camera is a lot easier when you can trust the person behind it. You don’t have to know how to pose, because that’s my job. All you have to do is show up and trust my process. I’m not going to tell you to relax and smile, I create an experience and atmosphere that just naturally makes you at ease. Even if you’re half-naked.
From being looked at to being seen
My camera doesn’t judge, and neither do I. We simply see you, the real you. I’m never going look at you and try to fit you into a mold or compare you to other clients. Most women feel like they’re being judged and evaluated when a camera is aimed at them rather than feeling comfortable and able to be vulnerable. The result is photos that don’t look or feel like you.
The entire Boudie City experience is built upon making you feel seen and celebrated just as you are. My team and I aren’t trying to make you look like someone else’s idea of beautiful; rather, we’re showing you how the people who love you already see you.
Once you feel like you don’t have to perform for my camera and can simply exist in front of it everything changes. The biggest difference is that you finally stop tolerating or even hating being in photos and start seeing yourself in photos that just just can’t stop staring at!
Authenticity over perfection
Here’s the thing: real is better than perfect.
There, I said it. And that’s coming from a type-A personality perfectionist. You don’t need a smaller waist or a different jawline or a bigger butt or a smaller butt. There’s nothing wrong with your body. Human bodies have marks and bumps and dips and rolls. We’ve all got lines and dimples, hair and texture; that makes us real. There is no such thing as a flawless body or skin, and honestly, perfection is boring anyway.
That being said, I do still use Photoshop and edit your photos, but I don’t do it to change your body or give you Barbie proportions and plastic skin. What I do is edit to help you view photos of you with kinder eyes. I soften the things that you fixate on and see as flaws that nobody else even notices. I don’t change how you look, but I do change how you see yourself.
Permission to love your photos…and yourself
When it comes down to it, you don’t hate photos of yourself because you aren’t pretty enough. You hate them because you’re comparing yourself to someone you aren’t meant to be. The stiff, awkward version you’ve seen of yourself in the past isn’t the real you, and you know that.
Give yourself permission to like how you look without trying to conform to some beauty standard. Give yourself permission to let go of perfection and embrace being your authentic, vulnerable self. When you allow yourself to stop performing for a camera and just exist, you’ll finally start seeing the real you in photos, and you’ll love her.
Ready to love yourself in photos?
It’s time to prove the voice in your head wrong. Fill out the form below for my St. Louis photoshoot guide!
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